The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss, by Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD

Some unexpected learning

(my first book review can be found on my Facebook page, here)

This is the first book I started reading after my beloved left this world. At 218 pages – 2 sections, 11 chapters – I expected to breeze through it and emerge equipped with a basic understanding of how grief operates in the brain which would help me on my way through my grieving journey. It did not play out as expected.

I generally enjoy reading about neuroscience, and expected this book would be a great and helpful read. It doesn’t presume a background in neuroscience, nor does it talk down to the reader. 

The author clearly cares about those experiencing grief, and this book is meant to help. The wealth of information and insight in this book is fantastic. The level of care is touching, and the author shares her own grief story in addition to some rather interesting perspectives on grief and grieving.

What I failed to account for was a particular feature of my own grieving. I failed to account for my own attempts to create and cling to non-scientific scenarios that would allow me to think I would somehow see my beloved again.

This book took me awhile to get through because it hurt. It hurt because it did indeed challenge the stories I kept trying to tell myself about the nature of reality and what it all means. 

I was trying to convince myself of things I didn’t really believe, as a way to mitigate the pain, and this book kept bringing me back to the paradigm I normally operate within as an atheist.

This book is definitely a science book. It doesn’t entertain notions of anything science can’t test, prove, or disprove. If you are, like me, clinging to some shaky non-scientific notions to help get you through your grief-stricken days, this book may disabuse you of some of those notions.

Many people will find this book fascinating and informative, because it is. Many people will not have their beliefs (or lack thereof) challenged by this book. But some might. 

I recommend this book, but I also recommend you pause and consider where you are at in your grieving, if you are grieving. You can read this book at any time. Choose a good time.